UNDERSTANDING
EACH OTHER.
Most disagreements are smaller than they look. The work is staying in the room long enough to find out.
Seven free wiki pages on the conversations that don't go well by default. Harvard's negotiation method (the framework that ended Apple-Samsung). Gottman's repair phrases (built on 40 years of relationship research). SCARF threat audits for workplace stakes. Plus the scripts for the conversations nobody enjoys: termination, salary, partner-of-someone-with-RSD.
Every framework is plain-language plus a step-by-step protocol. Cited. Practical. Built for the moment right before you send the message you can't take back.
And when a specific fight is the thing in your way, The Crux takes one live disagreement at a time and maps it down to the common ground underneath.
PICK ONE.
Start with whichever conversation is closest to this week. Each page is free and self-contained.
How to Have a Difficult Conversation
The umbrella OS for hard talks. Five steps that hold when the prefrontal cortex goes quiet.
Read → 03.02SCARF Threat Audit OS
Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, Fairness. Five-minute audit. Rock 2008.
Read → 03.03Polyvagal Repair OS
When words don't fix it, the body does. Three steps in order.
Read → 03.04Harvard Method 4-Step OS
The framework that ended Apple-Samsung. Plus BATNA. Fisher and Ury.
Read → 03.05Gottman Repair Phrases OS
The Four Horsemen and their antidotes. Three repair phrases.
Read → 03.06Termination Conversation OS
The hardest conversation. Dignity, clarity, legal precision.
Read → 03.07Salary Negotiation OS
Three scripted frameworks plus five non-salary asks.
Read → 03.08Partner's Guide to RSD
RSD doesn't end at 18. Adult relationship protocol.
Read → 03.09The Amygdala Hijack
Conflict is a biological event. Catch the hijack before it speaks for you.
Read → 03.10Building Psychological Safety
People won't be honest until it's safe. The four stages, and how to climb one.
Read → 03.11Giving Feedback: SBI & DESC
Two scripts that turn feedback from a verdict on character into data they can act on.
Read → 03.12Cognitive Biases in Conflict
Their character, your circumstances. Name the bias, get your thinking brain back.
Read → 03.13Nonverbal De-Escalation
Mirror neurons make you mimic aggression. Project safety; take the tactical pause.
Read → 03.14The Mutual Gains Approach
'Win-win' is a slogan. The MIT-Harvard four-phase process for multi-party disputes.
Read → 03.15Navigating Microaggressions
Call in, don't call out. Three scripts to address impact without the hijack.
Read → 03.16Power Dynamics & Mediation
Power amplifies the threat response. Five conflict modes, and when to call a mediator.
Read → 03.17The After-Action Repair
Conflict skill is a discipline. The four-question journal after every hard talk.
Read → 03.18Why We Disagree
The other side isn't evil — they weight different moral foundations. Haidt's six, made usable.
Read → 03.19What Actually Reduces Hostility
Better arguments don't change minds. Contact and perspective do. 515 studies of evidence.
Read → 03.20The Disagreement Cartographer
Most arguments fight the wrong thing. Find the crux — the belief that would change your mind.
Read → 03.21The Worldview Translator
Your argument's sound and still bounces off. Restate it in their values, sincerely.
Read → 03.22Weathering & Community Care
A breathing exercise doesn't fix a racist system. Self-care's structural limits, named.
Read → 03.23How Enemies Became Neighbors
South Africa, Northern Ireland. The receipts that reconciliation is real, if hard.
Read → 03.24Anatomy of a Moral Panic
Salem to the Satanic Panic to now. The documented pattern — and how not to get swept in.
Read → 03.25Eye Contact
The social-engagement cue that signals safety. When to meet eyes — and when not to.
Read → 03.26Shared Attention
Joint attention is the foundation of connection before words. How to build it.
Read → 03.27Turn-Taking
Conversation runs on timing: gaps, pace, trading turns. The rhythm that makes someone feel heard.
Read → 03.28Moving Together
Walking, rowing, or cooking in time builds closeness. The effect is real, and modest.
Read →DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS PLAYBOOK
A 100+ page longform guide for the hard talks: feedback, termination, salary, partner-disagreement, family-of-origin. Drafted. Editing now. When it ships, every email on the list gets the link.